Quotes & Jokes

ராவெல்லாம் கெடந்துயோசிப்போர் சங்கம் -
சிலது புதுசு

செருப்பு இல்லாம நாம நடக்கலாம ஆனா நாம இல்லாம செருப்பு நடக்க முடியாது.              

என்னதான் மனுசனுக்கு வீடு, வாசல், காடு, கரைன்னு எல்லாம் இருந்தாலும்,ரயிலேறனும்னா ஃப்ளாட்பாரத்துக்கு வந்துதான் ஆகனும். இதுதான்வாழ்க்கை. 
            
பஸ் ஸ்டாப் கிட்ட வெய்ட் பண்ணா பஸ்ஸு வரும். ஆனா ஃபுல் ஸ்டாப் கிட்ட வெய்ட் பண்ணா ஃபுல்லு வருமா? நல்லா யோசிங்க! குவாட்டர் கூட வராது!!!

என்னதான் பொண்ணுங்க பைக் ஓட்டினாலும்,  ஹீரோ ஹோன்டா, ஹீரோயின் ஹோன்டாஆய்டாது!!

அதேமாதிரி, என்னதான் பசங்க வெண்டைக்காய் சாப்பிட்டாலும், லேடீஸ் ஃபிங்கர், ஜென்ட்ஸ் ஃபிங்கர் ஆய்டாது!!!
              
டிசம்பர் 31க்கும், ஜனவரி 1க்கும் ஒரு நாள்தான் வித்தியாசம். ஆனால், ஜனவரி 1க்கும்,  டிசம்பர் 31க்கும், ஒரு வருசம் வித்தியாசம். இதுதான் உலகம்.

பஸ் ஸ்டாண்ட்ல பஸ் நிக்கும். ஆட்டோ ஸ்டாண்ட்ல ஆட்டோ நிக்கும். சைக்கிள் ஸ்டாண்ட்ல சைக்கிள் நிக்கும். ஆனா... கொசுவத்தி ஸ்டாண்ட்ல கொசு நிக்குமா??  யோசிக்கனும்...!!
                
இஞ்ஜினியரிங் காலேஜ்ல படிச்சா இஞ்ஜினியர்ஆகலாம்.   ஆனா பிரசிடன்சி காலேஜ்ல படிச்சா பிரசிடன்ட் ஆகமுடியுமா?
                
ஆட்டோக்கு 'ஆட்டோ'ன்னு பேர் இருந்தாலும், மேன்யுவலாத்தான் டிரைவ் பண்ண முடியும்.
               
தூக்க மருந்து சாப்பிட்டா தூக்கம் வரும், ஆனா இருமல் மருந்து சாப்பிட்டா இருமல் வராது! (என்ன கொடுமை சார் இது!?!)
             
வாழை மரம் தார் போடும், ஆனா அதை வச்சு ரோடு போட முடியாது! (ஹலோ! ஹலோ!!!!)
                
பல்வலி வந்தால் பல்லை புடுங்கலாம்,   ஆனா கால்வலி வந்தால் காலை புடுங்க முடியுமா? இல்லை தலைவலி வந்தால் தலையைதான் புடுங்கமுடியுமா? 
             
லாஸ்ட் பட் நாட் லீஸ்ட்... சன்டே அன்னைக்கு சண்டை போட முடியும்,   அதுக்காக,  மன்டே அன்னைக்கு மண்டைய போட முடியுமா?

பில் கேட்ஸோட பையனா இருந்தாலும், கழித்தல் கணக்கு போடும்போது, கடன் வாங்கித்தான் ஆகனும்.

கொலுசு போட்டா சத்தம் வரும். ஆனா, சத்தம் போட்ட கொலுசு வருமா?

பேக் வீல் எவ்வளவு ஸ்பீடா போனாலும், ஃப்ரன்ட் வீல முந்த முடியாது.

T Nagar போனா டீ வாங்கலாம்.ஆனால் விருதுநகர் போனா விருது வாங்க முடியுமா?

என்னதான் பெரிய வீரனா இருந்தாலும் வெயில் அடிச்சா திருப்பி அடிக்க முடியாது.

இளநீர்லயும் தண்ணி இருக்கு, பூமிலயும் தண்ணி இருக்கு. அதுக்காக, இளநீர்ல போர் போடவும் முடியாது, பூமில ஸ்ட்ரா போட்டு உரியவும் முடியாது.

உங்கள் உடம்பில் கோடிக்கணக்கான செல்கள் இருந்தாலும், ஒரு செல்லில் கூட ஸிம் கார்ட் போட்டு பேச முடியாது.

ஓடுற எலி வாலை புடிச்சா நீ 'கிங்'கு ஆனா.. தூங்குற புலி வாலை மிதிச்சா உனக்கு சங்கு.

நிக்கிற பஸ்ஸுக்கு முன்னாடி ஓடலாம் ஆனா ஒடுற பஸ்ஸுக்கு முன்னாடி நிக்க முடியாது.

வண்டி இல்லாமல் டயர் ஓடும். ஆனால்... டயர் இல்லாமல் வண்டி ஓடுமா?

சைக்கிள் ஓட்டுறது சைக்கிளிங்னா, ட்ரெய்ன் ஓட்டுறதுட்ரெய்னிங்கா? இல்ல பிளேன் ஓட்டுறது பிளானிங்கா? 
                 
என்னதான் நீ புது மாடல் மொபைல் வச்சிருந்தாலும் மெஸேஜ் Forwardதான் பண்ண முடியும்,  Rewind பண்ண முடியாது.

- posted by S. Kumar : Jan 14 2011

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Einstein jokes

1) One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.

Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"

(2) Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there." When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"

3) Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"

4) When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognize him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein's home. The driver said "Who does not know Einstein's address? Everyone in Princeton knows.Do you want to meet him?. Einstein replied "I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? "The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.

5) Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'

- Mani Bashyam

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Quotes

1. When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants.
When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake.
Time can turn at any time.

2. A good way to change someone's attitude is to change our own.
Because, the same sun melts butter, also hardens clay!
Life is as we think, so think beautifully.

3. Life is just like a sea, we are moving without end.
Nothing stays with us,
What remain is just the memories of some people who  have touched us as Waves.

4. Whenever you want to know how rich you are?
Never count your currency, 
Just try to Drop a Tear 
and count how many hands reach out to WIPE that eye- that is true richness.

5. Heart tells the eyes that pl see less, because you see and I suffer lot.
Eyes replied, pl feel less because you feel and I cry a lot.

6. Never change your originality for the sake of others,
Because no one can play your role better than you.
So be yourself, because whatever you are, YOU are the best.

7. Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His dad asked him "How do you feel?"
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!"
Now that's what I call Positive Attitude.

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Quotes

1. When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants. When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake. Time can turn at any time.
2. A good way to change someone's attitude is to change our own. Because, the same sun melts butter, also hardens clay!
   Life is as we think, so think beautifully.
3. Life is just like a sea, we are moving without end. Nothing stays with us, What remain is just the memories of some people who  have touched us as Waves.
4. Whenever you want to know how rich you are? Never count your currency, Just try to Drop a Tear and count how many hands reach out to WIPE that eye- that is true richness.
5. Heart tells the eyes that pl see less, because you see and I suffer lot. Eyes replied, pl feel less because you feel and I cry a lot.
6. Never change your originality for the sake of others, Because no one can play your role better than you. So be yourself, because whatever you are, YOU are the best.
7. Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying. His dad asked him "How do you feel?" He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!" Now that's what I call Positive Attitude.

- brought by D. Selvaraj, Dec 3, 10

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சிந்திக்கச் சில...

ஓணான் கடித்தால் ஒரு நாழிகையில் சாவு; அரணை கடித்தால் அரை நாழிகையில் சாவு.

ஓணானுக்கு வேலி சாட்சி; வேலிக்கு ஓணான் சாட்சி.

குப்புற‌க் க‌வுந்தாலும் மீசையில‌ ம‌ண் ஒட்ட‌லே.

கைப்பொருள் போனால் கால் காசுக்கும் ம‌திக்க‌ மாட்டார்க‌ள்

கொட்டிக் கொட்டி அள்ந்தாலும் குறுணி ப‌த‌க்காகுமா?

த‌லை எழுத்து இருக்க‌ த‌ந்திர‌த்தால் ஆவ‌து என்ன‌?

நடக்க மாட்டாதவன் சித்தப்பா வீட்டில் பெண் கேட்டானாம்.

நெருப்பில்லாம‌ல் புகையாது.

நோயற்ற் வாழ்வு குறைவற்ற செல்வம்.

பட்ட காலிலே படும்...கெட்ட குடியே கெடும்.

ப‌ட்ட‌ பின்பு ஞானி!

ப‌ர‌ம‌சிவ‌ன் க‌ழுத்திலிருந்து பாம்பு கேட்ட‌து...க‌ருடா ச‌வுக்கிய‌மா?
மாப்பிள்ளை வேஷ்டியைப் பார் அத்தைப் பாட்டி புடவையைப் போல.

மாம்பழம் தின்று தண்ணீர் குடித்தால் மாமியாரோடு போகிற மாதிரி
நெல்லிக்காய் தின்று தண்ணீர் குடித்தால் உடன்பிறந்தாளோடு போகிற மாதிரி.

யானைக்கு ஒரு கால‌ம்...பூனைக்கு ஒரு கால‌ம்.

ரிஸ்க் எடுக்க‌ற‌து ர‌ஸ்க் சாப்பிட‌ற‌து மாதிரி.

வ‌ந்த‌ளவிலே மாமியார் ப‌ந்த்டித்தாள்; வ‌ர‌வ‌ர‌ மாமி கழுதை போலானாள்.

வற்றிற்றாம் க‌ள்; வ‌ற‌ண்டாளாம் சாணாத்தி;
ஊறிற்றாம் க‌ள்; உதித்தாளாம் சாணாத்தி.
விருந்துக்குப் போய் வியாதிக்கார‌ர் ப‌க்க‌த்தில் உட்கார்ந்தாப் போலே.

வெந்த புண்ணிலே வேலைப் பாய்ச்சினாற்
போலே.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/forward-messages-and-jokes/4404-proverbial-tamil-proverbs-part-11-a-2.htம்ல் - தின்மலர் வாரமலர் : செப்டம்பர் 19, 2010

- posted by Prof GR Krishnamurthy

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HHRNS Quotes

If you are truly humble , you will co-operate.
Love means to help a person.
Being a victim of circumstances. That’s just the nature of the world we live in.
The True use of our independence is to cultivate dependence on God.
The nature of the mind is to interpret non-essentials essential.
The mind creates artificial needs, believing it cannot live without them.
To live a life of substance we must be willing to maintain the ideals in all circumstances.
Just as in climbing a mountain we leave behind the earth where we stand, to reach the
    heart of God we have to leave behind unfavorable earthly attachments.
Sincere spiritual practice is an uphill climb, and no matter how many difficulties we face,    we have to continue looking upward with hope.
The mountain provides all support for those who strive to reach its top.
Similarly, if we are sincere, the Lord will provide us with the means to reach his supremely merciful heart
- His Holiness Radhanath Swami

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Quotes for life

A real Saint is one who is genuinely detached from sense gratification and is truly attached to the loving service of the Lord.

Faith is the very substance of spirituality. To protect and develop our faith is the greatest need in spiritual life.

Development of our consciousness and our destiny depend on the values that we hold sacred in our lives.

Every situation is an appropriate opportunity to celebrate the glory and mercy of God.

The law of this world is that we take on the qualities of anything or anyone we associate with.

Purification means bringing something back to its natural state.

To have tremendous power and still be humble like a blade of grass, That is opulence.

To want to take a position and receive the honor of that position, but to not perform the sacrifice that is expected of that position is hypocrisy.

A person is judged by his or her ideal. The ideal you have established in life is the substance of what you are.

To live a life of substance we must be willing to maintain the ideals in all circumstances.

Enlightenment is constant awareness of this world as inherently divine of life as a loving partnership with God and every moment as an opportunity to offer and receive love.

Your inner depth should be as much as the ocean, so you are not fazed by the external praise or criticism. For that, you must truly do work that is meaningful to you, have love in your heart for others and help people. And when you achieve inner depth, the external world’s rewards won’t matter to you as much.

- Aswath: 13 Sep 2010

Awesome Quotes…

UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.
-Dennis Ritchie

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
—Ralph Johnson

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
-Fred Brooks

It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it;
It's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.
-Steve McConnell

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure,
and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell

(This is the best 1.....)
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
Then programming must be the process of putting them in..
-Edsger Dijkstra

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;
You cannot have both at the same time.
–Bertrand Meyer

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
-Alan J. Perlis

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring
aircraft building progress by weight.
-Bill Gates

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
-Tom Cargill

Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs.
The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.
So far the Universe is winning.
-Anonymous

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.

The Six Phases of a Project:
•       Enthusiasm
•       Disillusionment
•       Panic
•       Search for the Guilty
•       Punishment of the Innocent
•       Praise for non-participants

- S. Kumar, 16 July, 2010

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"Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success."                                                                                                                   - Brian Adams

- posted by Girija Karuna

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Napoleon said:
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"

Michael Paul said
I wrote on the door of my heart, "Please do not enter in"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate".

Einstein said:
I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
It’s Because of them I did it myself.”

Abraham Lincoln said:
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world"

Shakespeare said:
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It".

Shakespeare said:
"In The Times of Crisis I Was Not Hurt by the Harsh Words of My Enemies, But by the Silence of My Friends".

William Arthur said:
"Opportunities Are like Sunrises, If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".

Shakespeare said:
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Loose The Person For a Life Time".

Hitler said:
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark ,Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."

Shakespeare said:
"A Coin Always Makes a Sound but the Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When You’re Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"

Shiv Khera:
"If We Are Not Part of The Solutions, We Are the Big Problems"
Winners Never Do Different Things, They Do Things Differently" .

John Keats said:
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard to Win Someone"

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.

- posted by K.G. Bashyam

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This is attitude
IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS.
IF AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN...... .LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN .

This is attitude
IT'S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE.
THAN TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE ....... BECAUSE OF EGO

This is attitude
WHY WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES, IF GOODNESS IS EVERYWHERE ?

A WISE MAN SAID :
AIR IS EVERYWHERE,
BUT WE FEEL IT ONLY WHEN IT BLOWS.

This is attitude
WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT
ANY DOUBT....... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO :
EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON

This is attitude
LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE ........

IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK

This is attitude
SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,

MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.

This is attitude
THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS "
BECAUSE IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.

This is attitude
"You never conquer a mountain. You stand on the summit a few moments; then the wind blows your footprints away."
-Arlene Blum

This is attitude
“I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.”
Chinese proverb

This is attitude
“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.”
Ben Herbste

A wise man hears one word and understands two.

Don't be so humble - you are not that greatCommon sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complexLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving

When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German Ambassador:I don't believe in mathematicsIntellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax

You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault

I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become immortal through not dying I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens!

Imagination is more important than knowledge

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I've never been one who thought the Lord should make life easy;

 I've just asked Him to make me strong.

Good friend, always be open to the miracle of the second chance.

What is your heaviest burden?" asked the child. "To have nothing to carry," answered the old man

Fear, too, is a type of faith - faith that it won't work out.

Worry is a misuse of the imagination

At night I turn my problems over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.

They say marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightening.

Let him who would move the world, first move himself.

People of integrity make an easy target for critics because they stand upright

If you don't Stand For Something, you'll Fall For Anything.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease But...have you also heard,The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down!

If you're going to go through hell... I suggest you come back learning something

Believing in fortune cookies leads to a crummy life

The glory of young men is their strength, Gray Hair the splendor of the old.

It is easier to follow your leader if you have confidence in whom your leader is following

Discretion: The art of being wiser than anyone else while letting no one know it.

After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends?  yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over!

Forbidden Fruit is the main ingredient in many Jams!

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere

The best way to destroy your enemy, is to make him your friend.

God must love the common man, He made so many of them

Education costs money, but then so does ignorance

Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.

The first step to wisdom is silence; the second is listening.

Good communication is as stimulating as coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

- posted by S. Kumar